“Oh, God…he’s so small, does he know how to go to the bathroom yet?” People are fascinated that my son has never worn diapers. He is an excellent conversation starter. Elimination communication, also known as No Diapers, is a recent trend in America, especially in my hometown of Boulder, Colorado. It’s even possible to attend meetings with a group of other like-minded mothers or those eager to learn how to carry babies without additional padded bottoms. This gentle, eco-friendly and natural way of dealing with your baby’s waste is based on the theory that babies are aware of their elimination processes – yes, even from birth – and can tell you about it.

The day my son was born I caught his urine in a small bowl next to my nightstand. I immediately told him “pee-pees”. That was going to be the keyword. Then he started doing it again and I put it on the bowl and said my word of association “pee” again. I had just given birth and was tired, and figured I’d give myself a good three month break before I tried the whole “no diapering” thing. I thought I would be so exhausted that I wouldn’t want to spend any more time and effort observing and recording the types of grimaces or grunts my son made before he was eliminated. This was supposed to be my precious time to really bond and connect with my baby. Too much work at the beginning. Well, I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was virtually effortless. Because instead, with this new word of association, I didn’t have to catch him in the middle and frantically reach for the bowl, I held him over the bowl from time to time in the same position (your baby can also make an association with the position that you hold him) and simply ask him to “pee”. Something like a Pavlov Bell association. If he didn’t have to go, he would flip or squirm in a matter of seconds. If it did, I would try it. Blessed be his little face as he concentrated and relaxed his little sphincter muscles. The first day after my son was born, I asked him to go to the bathroom and he went into the bowl four times! Not a word of a lie. He was born with an awareness of where the muscles were, what they were for, and how to control them. Pretty impressive.

Talk about a boost in mom’s confidence. We were already communicating! I knew we could try not to wear diapers and use elimination communication. It was so close to my heart because it seemed so intuitive. He reassured me that we are complete in having everything we really need to raise our children. When you practice elimination communication, the process is natural and receptive rather than reactive. It requires cooperation. What’s nice about this is that there’s no abrupt transition to “potty training” when everything your child knows about going potty is turned upside down when they turn around, say three, and need to be “trained” or coerced (or tampered with m&m’s) to start pooping in the potty like a big kid. They take away the comfort of running into a corner and bending over and pooping in her diaper like she has done every day for three years. With elimination communication, a child never learns that her diaper is her potty. And he never needs to completely unlearn what he already knows. If he wets his pants, don’t yell “stop! wait!” from across the room. It is not reactive. It is a smooth process.

You don’t have to be a barefoot hippie on “peace and love” or excited about showing skin to have a diaper-free child. I’m not suggesting that babies need to run around town with a bare bottom. You don’t have to rip out your rug or sell all your nice furniture. People from all walks of life are doing it. I always put my son in cotton or fleece shorts with soft elastic around the ankles to prevent big puddles. Also, if I miss a pee, I can see when he’s wet right away.

Some days we stayed dry all day. Other days, when I was in the thick of the conversation, I would think to myself, hmm, he hasn’t been gone in a long time, let me finish what I was saying and then I’ll take him to the bathroom. And then she would see the look and know it was too late. I should have acted on intuition. It’s time to retune. No big deal though, I’d grab a clean pair of pants out of my bag and change right away. He never had a volume that prevented him from walking or my ability to feel his cute dimpled butt while he carried it. He never sat in a wet or poopy diaper. He didn’t “use his bathroom.”

However, practicing elimination communication doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing proposition. Some close friends of mine in Slovenia always had their child without diapers at home, but when they went out they put a diaper on him. Another friend here in town first tried elimination communication by removing her daughter’s diapers only at night because she found that it was easier to decipher her elimination cues while they slept together.

When you become aware of the patterns that emerge around your baby’s voiding needs and communications, you can start laying them over a bucket, potty, toilet, or even a bush when you suspect they need to go. My friend who was curious to see if it would work with her older baby, so we tried it when most babies seem to pee, after waking up from a nap. Asking your baby to eliminate upon waking is really a good time to incorporate that word of association. And before she knows it, she may end up getting all the reassurance she needs to see that she really can function. Your baby is aware of the process of eliminating her.

Elimination Communication is not only more comfortable for your baby, but it also helps you to be a more attentive and aware mother. Just like breastfeeding and carrying the baby, practicing elimination communication keeps you especially close to your baby and aware of her needs. In raising her child, trust and love blossom, and the joy of being a mother increases tenfold. Take it from a mother who has never changed her child’s dirty diapers!