Loneliness and the new mother

Are you surprised to hear how many new mothers experience crippling loneliness? In fact, recent figures (published by Mumsnet and show that more than 90% of mothers admit to feeling lonely after the birth of their children. You could be forgiven for thinking that with so many of us choosing to have children later in life, it would be a time of contentment, fulfillment, joy, and gratitude. We have planned our lives, our careers, our homes, and we choose the optimal time for the growth of our family.

Certainly, we are bombarded with enough images of perfect happy families on social media, in magazines, and on television. However, the reality is often very different and rarely refers to the degree of loneliness and the new mother.

In fact, 60% of women try to hide their low mood and feelings of loneliness. Feeling depressed, lonely, or vulnerable can make us feel conflicted and determined not to reveal how bad we feel, especially if everyone we know seems to be living the dream.

In addition, a quarter of families with young children, approximately 2 million, are being raised by a single parent, usually the mother. Being alone, perhaps away from family, without a supportive partner, can further exacerbate feelings of isolation. Or moving away from home can result in loneliness after labor. 35% feel the loss of close relationships and immediate social networks, often without knowing their new neighbors.

Of course, there are also many additional factors to consider.

– The effect of hormones. It’s often forgotten, but pregnancy wreaks havoc on a woman’s hormonal balance, sometimes long after the baby is born. Also, a newborn child brings a lot of added responsibility, often compounded once the first few weeks of support have waned.

– When one has been professional, businesswoman in control it’s disconcerting to find yourself overwhelmed and desperate, lost and unable to cope, helplessly feeling ‘I can’t do this’. Remember that even if you feel like it, you are not alone in experiencing these emotions. Be kind to yourself, let others help you, get professional support, and give yourself time to heal.

– It can be difficult accept how much your life has completely changed. Yes, it is possible that you really wanted a child, you thought about the implications and the impact that a child would have on your life, but the reality is that living it 24/7, every day of the week , is often very different. Getting up regularly in the middle of the night because her baby is crying or needs feeding can be taken on as her responsibility. There may be guilt or a feeling of obligation to do everything and do it right because now you are not taking on the main financial burden and going out to work every day. Motherhood is your role now.

– Appreciate that the baby has brought a sudden and massive change to your identity and role in life. Instead of pursuing your career, making decisions, solving challenges, and enjoying thought-provoking conversations, your life is now more ambiguous, largely dictated by a tiny, demanding human. Allow yourself to grieve a little about your former life. This total transformation may have been an unforeseen reveal, leaving him in limbo, adrift without warning of what was really involved.

– Once relentless tiredness, the lack of stimulation and the frequency of being alone has become established in you, you may be faced with a stark and lonely reality. 26% of young mothers report leaving home once a week or less, with some leaving only once a month (Young Women’s Trust). This can have a huge impact on your confidence and self-esteem. Worrying about how to be a good parent, as well as coping with the noticeable changes in your body, your appearance, the effect on your financial freedom, the very different conversations you now have with your partner, can all be a lot to reconcile. post baby.

– The idea of ​​leaving home. makes many new mothers feel apprehensive. Logistics alone can be daunting. Transporting a baby requires many things. Loading and unloading a car or using public transport can be a slow process and if the baby becomes unruly it is even worse, it becomes annoying and embarrassing. 73% of mothers report experiencing rude or unpleasant behavior and changing toilets in public toilets or feeding their child can be difficult.

– Financial concerns they are an important factor in the world of a new mother. Even when money has been discussed and budgets agreed upon, many new mothers are loathe to spend money on non-essential things like coffees, lunches, or personal items like a new lipstick. Lack of cash is a factor in the 40% of mothers who feel lonely. Babies don’t come cheap and the concern that three people can now live on one salary, even temporarily, can further reinforce a new mother’s decision not to socialize when it involves spending money, pushing her further into isolation.

– Invite other moms simply to have a coffee., you may not feel comfortable since the home is unlikely to be as tidy as it was before the baby. Wanting to be a good hostess, while maintaining quality standards, can be determined from the issuance of invitations. Being too tired, feeling like it’s too much effort, and having few interesting conversations to offer can discourage feeling social, resulting in further isolation and loneliness.

Gently, gently may be the way to transition into your new role. Frequent places where other new moms go; the park, the soft play, the leisure centers and little by little he makes friends with those who are alone. Smile and find some initial common ground. Exchange phone numbers so you can stay in touch, chat, and maybe meet up for coffee. Look for a local baby or toddler ‘open house’ group. Negotiate some time each week to spend with people your own age; At first, it may be difficult to leave her baby, but it is important to retain some of her own identity. Find ways to reduce her loneliness.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *