1) handsome people – Face it, God, you did not do enough with them. You can stand on a street corner in New York all day and not see a single one. Our noses are too big, our boobs are too small, and we’re certainly too soft in the middle.
In fact, there are so few beautiful people in the world that we had to create a magazine, Peoplejust to keep up with their antics.
By subscribing to this post, we can stay on top of your cosmetic surgeries (even beautiful people can get further beautiful), infidelity and abuse of drugs, alcohol, power, spouses and even steroids.
But why just because someone has a pretty face or a great body, we have to idolize them?
When the television networks need to break into their programming just to inform us that Britney Spears has shaved her head, something is wrong down here.
sir please do all beautiful. That way we can start paying attention to those who really make a difference in your wonderful world.
2) people of color – There’s a lot of prejudice down here, sir. And the problem is not that you have created people of a different color, but that you did not make enough of them either.
This is what you should do: do all it has different color. All the colors of your glorious rainbow. Since we would all be different, we would have to get along.
3) shaved off – Every day we have this tug of war. You could hair on my face; I have to take it off. You make it grow back into it again.
Here is the solution: just move the hair from the bottom of my head to the top of my head. You won’t get arguments from me there.
4) View – In the second grade, Sir, I had to wear glasses. That was an early midlife crisis for me. I thought to myself, now is the beginning of the end.
Look, on my LCD projector, they have this little knob. When the image looks like what I see without my glasses, I can simply turn the knob until the image comes into sharp focus.
All I ask for is a little knob like that for my eyes. If you need it, I can give you the 800 number for Epson projector customer service.
5) athletic ability – You really completely overlooked me in this case, Sir. You know those people you gave the ability to throw those 96 mph fastballs? Many of them can’t make a three-word sentence, but here they make $46 million a year.
God, if you gave everyone the ability to run as fast as a speeding locomotive and jump tall buildings in one leap, then we could pay our money and attention to those people who are really benefiting us. Like a paramedic in Kansas City or an inner-city schoolteacher with a vision for her students in Philadelphia.
6) food – We no longer have time to eat, Lord. We have fast food, but we need faster food. Look, we went from dial-up to broadband, and now even that’s too slow for us.
So this is what we do: we take a multivitamin that we can mix with water and then fagot! we have met all our minimum nutritional needs by swallowing just one tablet.
We could eliminate most fast food places overnight, those that are primarily purveyors of flour, sugar, and fat anyway.
7) wrinkles – Let’s fix this. We just don’t need them.
8) sexual desire – It’s okay, Sir, this made a lot of sense when I was twenty years old. But now I have my children and I love and respect my wife for more than her physical attractiveness. I no longer need this to show up at the wrong time, like when I’m at church.
Here’s my solution: We need an on/off switch that is completely under our control. Now, as for food, a pill that we can take when the time is right. Oh! We already have one!