The victims
His powerful shriek, cries of anguish and pleas for help fade to a mere whisper. She is the battered victim of domestic violence, rape, or vicious assault, desperately fighting her attacker, clinging to her life. Horribly battered with blood oozing from the wounds on her neck, face and head, in many cases more than once, she lies there, nearly unconscious. Nearby doors and windows remain closed. Bystanders do not want to interfere and flee in fear for their own lives.
For those with the good fortune to survive, battered and bruised, emotionally scarred, they endure a shocking and unsettling future. Most victims are reluctant to speak out as they suffer their endless shame, feeling helpless, humiliated and desperate, isolated in silence. They resort to alcohol, drugs or self-mutilation, even contemplating suicide.
What madness is this? Sustained violence escalating to epidemic proportions across the United States? Every day local newspapers report headlines like; “Mass Shooting and Murder on College Campus”, “Husband Goes Crazy, Kills Wife and Three Kids”, “Exercising Woman Raped and Brutally Beaten in Central Park”, “Mother, Driven by postpartum depression, drowning their children”, etc. and so on. The newest tragic aspect of this is that they are no longer features of urban life, but rather headlines drawn largely from the suburbs. Statistics say that 85% of victims of domestic violence are women. Acts of violence have also led to the deaths of around 4,000 women killed each year by a current or former spouse, rejected lover or stalker.
Let us not forget the innocent children who are also subjected to neglect, sexual, physical and emotional abuse. They are silent bystanders of domestic violence, mentally scarred, being trained to become abusive themselves. Armed children not only witness domestic violence, but are also at high risk of physical abuse by standing directly in the line of fire, being thrown or used. Sometimes an older child will try to protect the mother from him and the bully will turn on him.
Traumatic experiences like these, whether physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, particularly early in a person’s development, can have a devastating and lasting impact on children. It affects your “ability to think, feel, trust, and relate to others.”
One of the most popular and most overlooked forms of family violence in the United States is sibling abuse. Most of these violent acts consist of slapping, pushing, biting, kicking and punching, ending in the most extreme cases with death. Many young people are not only cruel to their siblings; they also physically abuse their parents. Parents who are the victims of a violent teenager often find themselves in a terrible dilemma. They love this child desperately, and would rather suffer in silence with apprehension and shame than report the abuse to the proper authorities, fearing that their child will be taken from them. They cannot understand this graphic expression of anger, so they do some soul searching because they believe they must have contributed in some way to this provocation. Although calling 911 can be the most difficult decision a parent can make, it is one of the most effective ways for that young person to take responsibility for his own actions, so that he learns that violence does not pay.
Frail and debilitated older people can sometimes be unable to help themselves and are also subject to neglect, as well as physical and emotional abuse and financial exploitation. They are not an exception in this world full of violence and abuse. Perpetrators of abuse directed at the elderly may be family members, professional caregivers, etc. These abuses exist both at home and in care settings. Rough handling, use of physical restraints, harassment, cursing, insults, inadequate provision of food or water, delay in medical attention, inadequate help with hygiene or bathing, keeping them in their own urine and feces in unchanged diapers, exposing them to perpetual infections. .
Because older people sometimes cannot hear or see well or be as physically or verbally dominant as they used to be, they are easy targets for exploitation by family members or their so-called caregivers. Through scams, the senior’s bank account is depleted, life savings are gone instantly, credit cards are abused, Social Security and pension checks are stolen, or they are forced to sign an agreement that would end up generating a financial commitment. They are also tricked into making a will that would not normally have been made, one that would further the feat.
Patterns of abuse and violence
While the abuse can take the form of physical violence, there is also emotional and verbal damage. Although the abuser appears to be a powerful and intimidating creature, he or she lacks self-esteem and, by constantly attacking the person’s or child’s self-esteem, maintains a sense of power and control. When the abuser verbally belittles, embarrasses, ridicules, or terrorizes the person or child with physical pain, death, or the death of a loved one, he or she is “reducing the individual’s feelings of self-worth and independence,” until that person feels powerless and gives in. Abusers enjoy frightening their victims into submission, by using threatening looks or gestures, throwing objects at the victim, breaking dishes, destroying property, or even displaying a weapon to convey the message, “Do as I say or I’ll kill you!” otherwise!”
The power of control is the driving force that motivates the abuser. The abuser always needs to be in charge of the relationship, making all the decisions and expecting her partner to act without complaint. The victim becomes the possession of that person, to be done with as he or she sees fit. By making statements like, “You are nothing without ME!” “You don’t need anyone except me!” “You belong to Me!” the abuser is isolating the victim from the outside world, making her more dependent on herself. The victim is no longer allowed to visit family and friends or go anywhere or see anyone without asking permission. Eventually, through fear and manipulation, the victim becomes a prisoner of the abuser.
Abusive people are often impulsive in nature, move frequently, change jobs, and are emotionally dependent on their spouse. They are also noted for being blame shifters, never accepting responsibility for their actions. It will always be someone else’s fault. The abuser will accuse the partner of having an affair with an imaginary lover, dressing in a provocative way to attract other men, for example, or neglect, abusing finances, the house was not clean, did not wash clothes, did not He dined Ready; any instability of reasoning that might seem to justify the abuse. The attack pattern can begin with emotional and verbal abuse, but often escalates from pushing and shoving to an absolutely powerful expression of physical force, and woe to anyone who wants to interfere…
When the abuser comes back to reality and sees his wild art masterpiece, guilt begins to take over. Abusers feel no remorse or responsibility for what they have done, but for what is obvious for the world to see and the dire consequences it will have. In simple words, their concern is more about getting caught and punished without even caring about their victim. Many abusive people at the time of the attack are under the influence of substance abuse and would attribute their acts of violence to that. The simple fact is that the abuser abuses his or her victims, because he or she chooses to abuse.
After the storm comes the calm. Many couples, misled by their abuser’s sudden change in behavior pattern, accept peace offers as a token of that person’s true love and apparent and genuine apologies that this will never happen again, often ending with sex. Some call this the honeymoon period. The victims begin to relax, convincing themselves with excuses: “He loves me”; “She Says She’s Sorry”; “He says he needs me”; “He is not a bad person.” Still in denial, they continue to make excuses: “He lost his job, and because he’s under pressure he did what he did; “He had an unfortunate stroke of luck lately”, “It was my fault he got so angry”, “etc, etc. With this blinding attitude, they fail to realize that they are placing themselves in a vulnerable state, balancing on a dangerous parapet of belief, trust, and risk, which makes it even more difficult to leave the abuser. .
The victim, feeling relieved that all is well, happily goes about her day, while the abuser is given time to rebuild his madness, beginning to develop the next attack strategy, planning situations where once again the cycle of violence will continue.
No human being should have to go through such a horrible existence and incredible infliction of pain and suffering.
So why do women in particular stay in such abusive relationships?
For many reasons; they are financially dependent on these men; they are afraid that if they try to leave, they will put themselves and their children in greater physical danger. Some women lack job skills and may not be able to find a job to support themselves; and there is fear of the unknown; not having a place to live; isolation from friends and family, etc. And for those with careers, these abused women have considerable fear that the abuser will call her work and create trouble. She is also deathly afraid of losing custody of her children because of the lies the abuser might tell about her, and so on.
Violence is not discriminatory. It occurs frequently in all age ranges, ethnicities, religions, gay/lesbian/transvestite relationships, with any type of sexual partner, and at all economic levels. One will find that among the perpetrators of these acts of violence, there are intelligent and motivated people, university graduates, businessmen, high-ranking officials, as well as prominent suburbanites.
So what is the United States doing to curb the violence and help the victims?
Federal, state, and local government programs have been addressing the problem of domestic violence for many years and have succeeded in keeping some families safe. Extensive efforts across the United States have made a significant impact in helping abused victims with medical and psychiatric care, providing protection, shelter and food, enacting laws that recognize the rights of crime victims, and much more.
Although we may decide that violence has become a way of life and a crisis in modern America, keep in mind that there are warm and productive families that are the backbone of this nation, that make us the leading, most diverse and respected. that exists today. Positive families provide a safe, warm, loving, and stable environment for their children. These men and women seriously honor their roles as parents and spouses. Tough love, mutual respect and understanding are the foundation of their homes.
Families working together, “exercising the greatest care in preserving this greatest of human relationships.” THIS is what America is all about.