I sometimes hear of wives who view their husband in a completely new and unflattering way after finding out he cheated on them or had an affair. Some adjectives I hear wives use to describe their husbands are words like creepy, disgusting, repulsive, perverted, or deviant. I heard from a wife who said, “I found out that my husband had an affair with a criminal he met in a bar. I’m just repulsed by his behavior. My husband is well regarded in our community and now I found out that he was hanging around bars and that he met this woman in a disgusting hotel for sex. That mental image is one I will never get out of my head. To be honest, I find my husband completely disgusting and repulsive right now. The thought of sleeping with him makes me sick stomach. I see him as a perverted pervert. Will my feelings ever change? Because I have two children to consider. I will try to address these questions in the following article.
It is normal to feel disgust or revulsion at your husband’s behavior: Some wives who say they find their husbands disgusting or creepy after their affair are actually disgusted by the behavior rather than the person. It is very understandable to project that disgust for the actions onto the person. But sometimes, this happens and wives can eventually tell the difference between the two. That said, some wives just can’t reconcile this conflict. And frankly, sometimes the only way to see what category you’re going to fall into is to give it a little time.
What can you do when you feel repulsed by your husband after his infidelity? The wife in this situation was so torn for her children. She didn’t want to banish the father of her children from her life. And frankly, the bread was still fresh, so she was right not to make hasty or hasty decisions. In situations like these, when you can’t even bear to see this man, it may be advisable to take a break from the situation. Sometimes this means that one of you stays with friends and family for a while until he gets a bigger perspective. In this case, the wife did not want to disrupt the home life of her children, so another alternative might be to sleep in separate rooms and stay away from each other for a while. The wife could make it very clear that she needed some distance and some time to herself and, if she did not honor this request, she would have no choice but to get away from the situation for a while.
Sometimes the distance can help the upset feelings subside and sometimes they don’t, but giving yourself this space is a way to find out if your feelings will change over time.
Will I look at it the same way again? Will my disgust pass?: I can’t answer this question for sure because everyone is different. Often this depends on how heinous the husband’s actions really were. I can tell you from experience that in my own situation, over a very gradual period of time, I was finally able to remember my husband’s good attributes in the past and it counted for something. Over time, when I thought about my husband, I didn’t just think about the recent bad experience. And I think most of the time, this happens after the true healing has occurred. Once you begin to heal, you no longer want or need to focus solely on the negative.
Over time, I remembered how my husband supported me for many years as I raised our children. I remembered how he stayed with my sick grandfather 24 hours a day during cancer treatment. I remembered how he worked tirelessly to handcraft furniture for our children’s rooms. And this mattered to me in the end and helped me balance some of the negative memories that he had developed. So while I couldn’t tell this wife if her own feelings would change in the future, I might suggest that she simply observe and respect her feelings, take a break if she needs it, and focus on healing. Because no matter what ultimately happens to her spouse, healing is the first step in making positive feelings and memories possible. And whether she goes through with her marriage or not, she deserves to keep a positive outlook.