As LGBT people, we already experience the shame and guilt of abuse, but now we may also feel pressure to hide our true identity in order to use services such as shelters, support groups or hotlines. The belief is that if I pretend to be heterosexual I will have more acceptance and care for my situation. Or there is pressure to “come out” for help and risk information not being kept confidential and losing your home, job, child custody, etc. With our LGBT status made public, as nothing in treatment is absolutely confidential, especially when it comes to law enforcement, negative life-changing events can occur due to a lack of local and/or state laws. We have limited protection compared to our abused heterosexual counterparts. Disheartening is that even if I share this information with you, there will be many who will not take it any further and seek help!
LGBT victims are often not financially linked to their partner, so ending the relationship meets little resistance in the financial sector. What if, although there are joint financial responsibilities, such as mortgage payment, there are no legal structures in place to ensure that the assets are divided equally? Heterosexuals have no idea how much the laws protect them and how we are sitting ducks risking everything for who we are.
Conventional domestic violence resources often lack the training, experience, and sensitivity to understand LGBT relationship and abuse. We have to deal with other prejudices, stereotypes and homophobia. Information from discovering homosexuals beating each other is also used by society as another reason why homosexuality is immoral and dysfunctional, making it difficult to seek genuine help and making us feel even more isolated and alone in our pain.
Even more painful for me is that my own community does not support one of us being abused and hurt. As small as our community is, abuse will often travel fast within our circles and sides can be taken, as can disgust at abuse within our social networks. This makes the abused even more exposed and vulnerable.
We are trying so hard to be accepted by society, many want to maintain or create an image that there are no problems or disruptive behavior in our community. There is a fear in us if we give this world more reasons to leave us behind, we will never achieve freedom, so we hide our part of the dysfunction that is found in our community instead of building a bridge to be healthier and fight a bigger and more supported fight. ! What is it again that drives me every day to help my community be healthier, happier and more supported?
If we don’t recognize that gay people have serious problems like drugs, alcohol, domestic violence, abuse just like any other community, resources will continue to be limited and we will continue to suffer!
I have encountered both support and resistance to my new journey to build bond and bring together and connect as many LGBT people as possible, but if we don’t know each other and are there for each other, we will feel isolated. I don’t want to feel like this, alone, why would I want someone else, especially one of my own? I’m not better than anyone and I don’t deserve more or less than anyone and neither are you!
Alex Karydi ~ The Lesbian Guru