This spring, I watched with great pride and admiration as my children brought home stellar report cards and received glowing comments from their teachers; my husband received the same during his annual checkup at work. I’m a stay-at-home mom now, after 14 years as a sociology teacher, and I thought, “Where’s my report card? When are mothers evaluated and their good work recognized?”
So this year for Mother’s Day, I asked my family to make me a report card, literally create one on the computer with all the relevant categories (outlined below) and then give me a grade and a narrative report (I want the real deal!). Just thinking of the myriad categories for them to use was an instructive exercise for me; even i didn’t know how much invisible work i do daily or weekly.
In any family (or community or organization), it is prudent to consider what work needs to be done to keep the household running well, and then divide it equally among family members. It seems best to play to people’s strengths and utilize their particular talents. This method works up to a point, but there is always a residual category called invisible work, which includes repetitive tasks that are unpaid, often undervalued, and in most cases performed by women. Invisible work is denoted as such because it goes unnoticed by those who benefit most from it. Invisible work also includes mental and emotional work, which are inherently obscured.
Here is a list of examples of invisible work:
- Remember to make (and keep) appointments with the doctor, dentist, ophthalmologist and veterinarian for each family member;
- Arrange playdates for children and make time to meet the parents of the playdates;
- Remember that the car/truck inspection is due this month and schedule the appointment;
- Buy thank you cards for teachers, grandparents, etc. and then supervising the kids while they write those thank you cards;
- Realizing the cable bill is incorrect and spending 25 minutes on hold to speak to the cable company;
- Corresponding with out-of-town extended family members (send photos of the kids; alternatively, update the family blog);
- Remind children to take their vitamins, allergy medications, etc.;
- Feeling like something is wrong with your kids at school and spending an afternoon or two trying to figure out what it is.
Only invisible work deserves its own report card; women doing invisible jobs deserve to be brought to light and their work openly recognized as an important part of running any household (or any organization). Imagine for a minute what would happen if all the mothers in the world or women in general stopped, even for ONE day, from doing all their hidden tasks? I don’t think it’s too drastic to say that some homes, communities and organizations could literally stop working.
So, if you choose to make your mom a Mother’s Day report card, here are a few categories to consider (in no particular order). Each category carries with it some invisible work.
A) Food Related: Cooking, grocery shopping, preparing lunch, or remembering to update lunch money at school.
B) Household cleaning: vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, kitchen, basement, etc. etc
C) Laundry: wash, put away, change sheets regularly.
D) Outdoor: gardening, growing food, herbs, flowers.
E) Health: schedule visits to the doctor/dentist/ophthalmologist; take the kids, schedule family exercises, cook whole foods.
F) Things: Buying things for the home (ie kids clothes, bath towels), getting rid of things (ie hosting garage sales), cleaning things.
G) Community work: scheduling play dates, dinners with other families, making phone calls.
H) Activities: children’s sports, activities, family events, birthday parties.
I) Repairs: home, cars, items.
j) Vehicles: repair, maintenance, gasoline filling.
K) Love: snuggling, reading books, playing ball.
L) Others: things that only your mother does.
Honor your mom or the women in your life with a sparkling report card today! Better yet, decide what tasks you can take on for her this year!