To begin with, I think it’s important to understand that the word ‘spanking’ is a euphemism for violent behavior. Yes, violence. The same thing that many floggers will prevent their children from watching on television. With all the fuss being made about the negative influence of children viewing abstract violence in video games, television, and movies, one might get the impression that fantasy/abstract violence is worse for children than experiencing the reality.
The easiest way to tackle this spanking problem is to take a look at the ‘pros and cons’ involved.
PROS:
1. Spanking is convenient: it quickly conveys a powerful message in terms of behavior modification. Parents who do not have the patience to teach through cognitive learning may use acts of physical aggression as a teaching method.
2. There is no need to waste a lot of time with verbal communication. From our earliest days, primitive grunts, gestures, and clubbing have served us well.
3. Parents can release pent up anger and frustration and not have to worry about physical retribution. This “venting” of anger and frustration through spanking can be viewed by parents as therapeutic in the absence of a household pet to kick.
4. It gives parents a sense of tradition, not unlike shooting guns into the air on the 4th of July. It can also provide a sense of nostalgia, as parents can reminisce about the good old days when they themselves were beaten up by parents who wanted to show how much they cared.
5. Parents who mistook fear for respect may feel a sense of accomplishment. Children cowering in fearful subservience serve to provide parents with a sense of power and control that they might otherwise find lacking in their lives.
6. Parents may feel that they are preparing their children for “that difficult world.” The logic here assumes that the child may grow up one day to find himself in a job where the boss beats him up when he makes a mistake.
CONS:
1. Violence towards children causes a degree of trauma that carries a high risk of developing psychopathology. The ranks of the mentally ill, substance addicts, violent criminals and sexual deviants are full of people who were victims of violent but not necessarily legally abusive parents. *
2. Children learn to strike out when their sensibilities are offended. It stands to reason that the best way to teach kids how to be violent is to have them experience violence firsthand from the most influential teacher they’ve ever had. Spanking not only makes violence a part of a child’s reality, but can also provide the child with the anger necessary to trigger violent behavior; for when parents fail to break a child’s mind and spirit through the ultimate act of rejection, anger is often the result.
3. The nurturing role of parents is put at risk. If the father does not repay hateful acts of violence towards his children with a great deal of love and care, there is a great chance that the children will lose trust and withdraw from the parents. As a result, offensive behavior on the part of children only increases, thus making spanking totally counterproductive and a continuing or increasing source of acrimony.
4. Spanking risks becoming criminal behavior. Parents who use corporal punishment as a means of discipline risk crossing the line into legal child abuse when under high levels of stress. This is how most Child Abuse cases occur.
5. Children may one day forget the trauma of violence inflicted on them, but they never forget acts of violence. Parents who treat their children in a violent way usually do not consider that, one way or another, there will be a high price to pay as a consequence. At the very least, violence will act to diminish the quality of any relationship.
6. Children learn to refrain from certain unacceptable behaviors while parents are present. Some children will even find themselves more prone to these unacceptable behaviors in the absence of parents through retribution or experiencing the ‘forbidden fruit is the sweetest’ phenomenon. The reason? Through spanking, children become reliant on external controls (fear) for behavior instead of developing internal controls (self-discipline/conscience) through teaching with gentle, patient guidance.
7. It seems nothing more than common sense to say that forms of sadomasochistic behavior can result from spanking in childhood. Because the buttocks are an erogenous zone, pain can be associated with sexual stimulation through spanking. Pain, control and dominance can also be associated with loving behavior as a result of corporal punishment, ie ‘I hit you because I love you’. ‘
8. This intricate definition of love mentioned above can also set the stage for the child to develop a tolerance for future abusive relationships… most commonly in the case of women.
9. Children who are not given dignity or treated in a respectful way have a hard time learning what those things are about. Why else would so many children grow up with the notion that dignity equals conduct and respect equals fear? The following is an excellent explanation of how this occurs:
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
if a kid
live with criticism
learn to condemn
if a kid
live with hostility
learn to fight
if a kid
live with ridicule
learn to be shy
if a kid
live with shame,
learn to feel guilty.
if a kid
live with tolerance,
learn to be patient.
if a kid
live with encouragement,
learn confidence.
if a kid
live with praise
learn to appreciate
if a kid
live justly,
learn justice.
if a kid
live safely,
learn to have faith
if a kid
live with approval
learn to love yourself.
if a kid
live with acceptance and friendship,
learn to find love in the world.
Dorothy Law Nolte (1963*)
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As we evolve as a society, we must keep in mind that historically there was a time when it was acceptable to legally own other people; a time when the mentally ill were generally considered to be possessed by evil spirits; a time when knights legally shot each other in duels; a time when public hangings were attended as a family outing complete with picnic basket; a time when public flogging was considered an acceptable punishment; a time when it was a gentleman’s agreement that husbands should not beat their wives with a cane that was ’rounder than the thumb’ (what became known as ‘the general rule’); and there was a time when there were no laws against parents severely beating their children (killing children was unacceptable, of course, but the occasional accidental maiming as a result of disciplinary action was tolerated).
It’s not hard to see where I’m headed here…we no longer allow the punishment of flogging; we no longer allow wives to be beaten, and we no longer allow prisoners to be beaten as a routine punishment. The time has come for us to further increase our level of social sophistication by reaching general agreement that any degree of physical punishment used against children is just as socially unacceptable and repugnant as those other violent behaviors we have decided to leave behind.
As you’ve seen, there are no real ‘pros’ to spanking unless one is suffering from an emotionally stunted authoritarian mindset.
The vast majority of child abuse cases involving physical injury are not only associated with acts of spanking, but all professional organizations in North America concerned with the care and treatment of children have taken a public stand against spanking. spanking as an inadvisable practice.