A large number of adolescents today feel that parents have abdicated their duties to exercise authority and take responsibility for the direction of their children’s lives. Some parents refuse to do so and others are unable to exercise their rights. As a result, there is a growing rebellion against parents. In some countries, the courts blur parental rights. Parents are punished for disciplining their children. The ‘Rights of the Child’ are paramount and parents must comply or be punished by the Courts.
The philosophy of humanism states that it is okay for children to break away from restrictions and rebel against parents.
But the authority vested in parents comes from God with the dictate “Instruct your son in the path he should follow and when he is old, he will not stray from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
Children are our inheritance and whether married, separated or divorced, we still have the responsibility for their own upbringing. However, as Socrates said, “There is only one profession that is uneducated and untrained: child rearing.” Parenting is our privilege and responsibility and we learn from our own experience and the wisdom of those who have gone before us.
Parental authority implies: –
• Leadership to allow the child to become a balanced, affectionate, warm person with a positive attitude towards life. What is taught in childhood is internalized and contributes to her character and personality. You must be able to differentiate between good and evil.
• Nourish with love. A child who is confident and secure in her parent’s love is more likely to accept rules and restrictions. Parents should spend quality time with children, express love for them, compliment them on their good points, and lavish praise on good behavior.
• Discipline will be effective after proper instructions and the example to follow. Children are given rules to live by for their own good. Until the age of 7-8 years, it is easy to impose discipline. But as they get older, they show resistance and begin to challenge authority with ‘why’ and ‘what for’ questions. They come up with ready excuses for not doing what they are supposed to do. This should not be considered disrespectful to parents. It is a part of growing up. Their questions should be answered sensibly without getting angry. However, children should not be allowed to bully their parents or subject them to emotional blackmail.
• Communication with the child must be meaningful and effective. Parents should not be too strict or too lenient. Overprotection will stifle spontaneity. The child will expect her parents to solve her problems. It is important to listen and respond to her needs.
Every child needs the security of authority and must learn to respect it. Husband and wife must agree on how they exercise authority. They cannot disagree with each other. Obedience to both father and mother and the unified authority of her should be expected of each child.
Parenting patterns differ based on background, education, social status, and culture. Four large groups can be identified.
1. Dictatorship when the word of the parents is law. The rules must be followed without discussion. There is no room for reasoning. Punishment follows even a misdemeanor.
2. Authoritarian: Children are expected to follow the rules, but the child’s point of view is considered. Parents are persuasive and explain the reasons why the rules should be followed. They also point out the consequences of non-compliance. Baumrind says that authoritarian parents “supervise and set clear standards for their children’s behavior. They are assertive but not intrusive or restrictive. Their methods are supportive. They want their children to be socially responsible and self-regulated, as well as cooperative.”
3. Permissive parents are extremely lenient and never discipline their children. They demand little of them and do not have high expectations. They treat their children as friends.
4. Indifferent parents are generally detached and do not pay attention to even the basic needs of their children. They do not communicate meaningfully or discipline them. They may be physically present but emotionally absent.
The most successful parents are those who exercise authority with love and understanding. The child must know that there are rules to follow both at home and in society. Obedience to parents, respect for others, fear of God, and the importance of living a godly life should be taught. Such a child will grow into a happy, loving, and well-adjusted individual, capable of resisting what is wrong and holding his own in society. He will always be aware of the dangers of breaking the rules.
A dictatorial father can have submissive children. But they can harbor resentment and become bitter and cynical. They may lack social skills, be indecisive and shy, or become autocratic bullies in later life.
Parents should not equate indulgence with love. Pampering a child will not build character. You will lack initiative and will blame others for your failures.
Indifferent parents will have equally indifferent children. They will be selfish, indifferent, and lacking in social graces, self-control, and competence.
Parental authority is granted by God and must be shared equally by both parents. Children need proper guidance and a set of moral values to live, in a world that is becoming more lawless and consumer oriented. “Children need some authority structure,” said Dr. Spock. They need a framework of ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’. A family is by no means a democracy and parents and children are not equal. The most successful parents are those who exercise authority with love and understanding.