Do you have “friends” that are killing you? I mean, do you have the kind of friends where you come away feeling like you have to downplay your accomplishments or talents?
Do you have friends who are too possessive? Backstabbed? Or are you one of those types of friends? In this article, I reveal the top 10 behaviors that are killing your friendships and what you can do to be a better friend and have healthier friendships.
Friendship Killer #1 – Jealousy
I don’t know how it works with guys, but women are notoriously catty. Trust me. I grew up with a very jealous and competitive mother who couldn’t stand me shining. In fact, she’s going to be 75 in June, and she still hates that I’m a confident woman because she feels so threatened.
I also grew up with 4 mischievous sisters whose only goal in life was to tear me (and everyone else) apart. So I know a thing or two about jealousy.
How to detect jealousy in a friend
You know your friend is jealous when she is being passive aggressive by constantly making (humiliating) comments about your boyfriend, your clothes, your lifestyle, etc. and you find yourself having to downplay your accomplishments and talents just so she doesn’t get mad or start being competitive.
Jealousy destroys relationships because you can never be happy for the other person. And the very essence of friendship is mutual support.
Advice: If you’re the jealous type, ask yourself why you feel less. Build your self-esteem by doing valuable things for yourself and others.
If your friend is the jealous one, have a serious talk with her. Tell her that you want to support her, but that you can’t and won’t be in a friendship riddled with jealousy.
By the way, I don’t talk to my mother anymore, and I’ll only deal with one of my sisters. Yes. It was it’s bad.
Friendship Killer #2 – Selfishness (Narcissism)
With selfish friends, it’s always about them. Everything has to be on their terms. If you don’t agree with their program, they will try to make you feel guilty, put you down, etc.
Advice: You may just be dealing with someone who doesn’t know they are selfish. If that’s the case, you should politely tell your friend how his behavior affects you.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, you may want to end the friendship as it will always be one sided.
Friendship Killer #3 – The Manipulator
The manipulative friend can never be direct. They know your weaknesses, so they hint when they want you to do something, knowing that you will fall for their manipulation: hook, line, and sinker.
Advice: Politely tell your friend that you would appreciate her being more direct with you.
Friendship Killer #4 – Possessiveness
I had a friend who always put down every other friend she wanted to date because she couldn’t stand me being with anyone else. When she wanted to include others in the activities, she was vehemently opposed.
Advice: Suffocating someone, telling them that they can’t have other friends, is a sign of fear of abandonment. If you are the one acting possessive, ask yourself why you are so terrified of losing your friend. If it’s your friend who’s possessive, ask her the same question, gently of course.
Then seek therapy.
friendship killer #5 – The Critic
With criticism, you can never win. sometimes you can almost win, but inevitably the critic will find something wrong with you or what you did, what you are wearing, etc.
Being around someone who is overly judgmental is devastating to your psyche and self-esteem.
Advice: Let go of friendship. People who are overly critical will always raise the bar out of your reach. It is a no-win situation. Cut your losses.
friendship killer #6 – The Explosive
The exploder always keeps you off balance. It’s his way of controlling you. Being friends with a blaster is like walking through a minefield. You never know what is going to trigger them. Walking on eggshells in a relationship is unhealthy and inhibits growth for both parties.
Advice: Tell your friend to get anger management, or you’ll walk away.
friendship killer #7 – Greed
Everyone has a pang of jealousy sometimes. But when it’s a constant in your friendship, that’s bad. Greed goes hand in hand with jealousy. But it’s a closer cousin to envy.
Your jealous friend always wants what you have. The mentality is “there’s not enough to go around, so I want what’s yours.”
Advice: Tell your friend that you’re envious and that it’s awkward. Tell him that if he acts on his greed, you will associate with her less.
friendship killer #8 – Disloyalty
God, I hate disloyal people. Disloyal friends are traitors. Gossip. They are the ones you share a confidence with and then find out about on the 6:00 news. They are the ones who laugh at you when you fall, instead of helping you get up.
Here’s the deal. I don’t think people should be loyal to the extreme. But you must be loyal until your friend no longer deserves your loyalty.
Advice: If you fool me once, shame on you. If you fool me twice, shame on me.
friendship killer #9 – Liars
Liars annoy me a lot. You can’t trust them. Ever. And you can’t have a friendship without trust.
Advice: Confront your friend about his lies. Tell him that you can’t trust him if he lies to you all the time and that trust is an important and necessary part of friendship.
friendship killer #10 – Being too “busy”
Relationships are not one-sided. Everyone is busy. But friendships take time and effort. You have to decide if you really want the friendship because it requires an investment.
So if your friend always says she’s “busy”, it just means she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.
Advice: I’d see how often she tells me she’s too busy to hang out before she pulls the plug on the friendship.
Conclusion
Friendships are an important part of life. So you want to make sure you don’t get burned out by the very people who are supposed to cheer you up. This tip goes to any kind Of relationship
So, start paying close attention to your circle of friends and see if any of them fit into one or more of the “friendship killer” categories. Then do what you have to do to take care of yourself.