Something was not quite right in the marriage, so fearing the worst, John checked his wife’s phone. He was very embarrassed about doing this, but was concerned about the number of text messages he received in the evenings and on weekends. He was pretty sure the increase in texting had nothing to do with work, because she would have said so. When he checked the messages, he found that the same name of the boys was repeated over and over again. Fearing the worst he read some of the messages and it was as he had feared, his wife was having an affair. When he confronted her, she tried to divert attention by accusing him of invading her privacy. After which she burst into tears. The boy she was having an affair with overheard her, which was certainly something John probably hadn’t done for a long time. He swore to John it hadn’t been anything physical, he didn’t know what to think. It was clear from her messages that her friend was showing little more than friendly interest.
Now John is not the first and will not be the last suspicious spouse to check their partner’s messages, in whatever form they may come. And that’s it, with the way technology continues to develop, it has become a lot easier for a spouse to be unfaithful. Just because it is easy to be in a marital relationship does not mean it is right.
Once you discover that your husband or wife has crossed the line from being friends with someone to something else, then you will be the victim of a variety of reactions. You might feel guilty because you went after your spouses and invaded their privacy. Despite what you’ve discovered, it’s natural to feel bad about breaking your bond of trust. A melancholic sadness because your spouse no longer feels that he can be close to you, and that he has found someone with whom it is easier for him to share his life. Anger is a natural emotion that you can experience. Your spouse has betrayed you, if you have children then they have betrayed your family. The fact that your spouse has gone looking for someone else screams that your marriage is in trouble. Rather than facing those issues together, your spouse would rather spend their time and energy making a different relationship work. Anger is understandable, but it is vital that you don’t let it take over. You feel neglected, that your spouse has turned his back on you and no longer has any genuine interest in you or your family. They will do the movements, what the children did today, what is there to eat, what is on television, but there is no meaningful connection anymore. Your spouse may have turned you around. To justify themselves they accuse you of spying on them, from then on you can’t do anything right and you are constantly on the defensive.
In this article, I hope to help you understand that extramarital relationship and how it relates to the state of your marriage.
If your spouse is in an intensely personal relationship with someone, then that relationship has probably crossed the lines and turned into an emotional affair. When your spouse denies you the emotional intimacy that is your right and lavishes it on another person, then your marriage becomes less intimate and connected. To enjoy a marriage full of love and fulfillment, you must be able to share your life with your spouse, you must be able to open up to where you are vulnerable. Doing that with anyone other than your spouse means that you are developing an emotional connection with that person.
Most people, when caught, will argue. They will go on the offensive demanding to know why they cannot have a partner of the opposite sex. If the victim is particularly vulnerable, it could even end up agreeing with their spouse. Marriage is the result of an ongoing emotional connection in which all is well will continue to develop and enrich their lives. They vowed that, whatever happens, they would share their lives together. If one of the partners, for whatever reason, seeks emotional or sexual gratification outside of marriage, then not only are they cheating on their marital relationship, they have set themselves in the way of what is a meaningless existence.
Many people struggle to understand the breakdown of their relationship. To help you understand whether or not your spouse is involved in an emotional affair, you should ask yourself the following. To what extent is this additional relationship hidden from you or painfully obvious to you? Does your spouse notify you when someone has texted you? They may be able to tell who the text message is from, that the friend really understands and listens to them, and then they will read the message to you. Okay, it’s unlikely, but it is possible. Another clue is if your spouse feels special about your friend, but not about you. As a married couple, you must be each other’s best friends, you must share everything. If you are committed to your marriage, then it is inconceivable that someone else could hold a more special place in your heart.
In almost all cases, the cheater knows that what he is doing is wrong. If someone is entering into a marital relationship, they will always have the feeling that it is wrong, which is why they try so hard to hide the truth. When you find out what is happening, often the cheater will try to justify himself to himself by painting you as the villain. One thing you will likely have a hard time with is accepting the question: Does your spouse have a physical relationship with the other person? There is no way you can tell if the relationship has turned physical unless the cheater tells you. If you look at the trouble your spouse had to hide the affair, anything is possible.
Obviously, I cannot tell if your spouse has consummated your affair or not. What I can do is point out that your marriage is most likely going through an intimacy breakdown, this gives you a starting point to focus your attention. Hopefully, your spouse will open up and at least admit to having had an affair. Having admitted guilt, you no longer have to fight over what happened, you can now watch what happens next. Repairing your marriage bond and rebuilding intimacy won’t be easy, but following these steps will help.
The first step is to examine your emotional connection. Be it emotional, sexual, or whatever, there is never an excuse for a spouse to cheat on their marriage. Obviously, the victim will want to know why it happened. Once you know why it happened, you can take steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again. However, trying to find a clear answer as to why a spouse went astray is never easy. Basically, it happened because a spouse made the decision, of their own free will, to have an affair. It could even be that they were in the wrong place at the right time, the opportunity presented itself and they seized it. Unless it was something spontaneous, the cheater has generally developed feelings of dissatisfaction with the marriage. Instead of talking to them, you have suppressed them and allowed them to poison your feelings for you and the marriage. In order to feed his dissatisfaction and resentment, the cheater could, unknowingly or not, a set of arguments or facts that justify his case to continue cheating.
Take a look at your own relationship. Is everything as it should be or can you see signs of neglect? Do you still have meaningful communication with your spouse on a daily basis, or are you just adrift leading separate lives? If you make an honest assessment of your marriage, you should be able to find ways that you can communicate more, or ways that you can remind your partner why you fell in love with them You both have to work to build your relationship, one person cannot Do it themselves, if that has been the case, there will be areas where the connection between them has frayed.
The second step is where you need to be able to understand the types of communication, and I’m not just talking about talking.
While talking is important, there is much more to the art of communication. In addition to verbal, there is also non-verbal communication. Both verbal and non-verbal communication contribute to the development and deepening of intimacy between you. For example, non-verbal communication could be just the time you spend together, perhaps watching television, it could be flirting with your partner when you go out to dinner, or it could be something as simple as giving them a card to let them know. how much they mean to you. If you really want to save your marriage, you will have to work on your communication.
Communication unites the two of you, when you don’t communicate, there is no connection. So work on that communication link, use verbal and non-verbal communication, and find ways to bond on a more intimate level. When was the last time you went for a walk together, when was the last time you sat together and watched the world go by, when was the last time you held hands, when was the last time you said: I love you? ? It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you keep doing it. Even though you are careful, if you start doing things like this, you will start to enjoy being in the company of others again.
If your verbal communication has reached the stage where you are basically two strangers sharing a home, then you should start introducing new topics. It could be something you heard on the new one or maybe something you would like the two of you to do together. Involve your spouse in the conversation by getting him to talk more about his job and his hopes for progress. If you haven’t really spoken for a while, then this might be a bit adventurous, but it could talk about your hopes and dreams for your marriage. If you haven’t talked in a while, it will probably take some time to get used to a more intimate form of communication. As long as you keep working on it, it will happen, and when it does, your intimacy will deepen and your marriage will become richer. Your spouse may not want to communicate at that level, so work on them, it may take time, but they will succeed.
Why not work on some of the non-verbal communication techniques I mentioned earlier? Why not commit to finding a new way to communicate with your spouse, say at least once a week? These are the steps you need to take to achieve a deeper emotional connection. Of course, communication is not the only element you should work on to improve intimacy in your marriage. You have a lot more relationship work ahead of you as you work to move your marriage forward and put your spouse’s emotional affair firmly in the past.