I often write about saving marriages. Or, if a separation or divorce has occurred, I sometimes try to help the wife get her husband back (as long as the relationship is healthy and worth saving). I am often contacted by wives who want to know the “signs my husband wants me back”. In other words, they want to know what to look for to show that there is still hope of getting back together. Every husband is different, of course, so often the signs are a bit individual. However, there are some universal signs that may tell you that the marriage isn’t really over (even if he doesn’t know it yet or can’t or won’t admit it to himself or you). I will list many of the signs and signals that I commonly see that may indicate that your husband might want you back.
Everything that is not indifference: The behavior that is a dead giveaway that the marriage is officially over is indifference. When a person can honestly and seriously say (though not wishing ill will on his spouse or ex) that they really don’t care what happens in the future, it’s an indication that they’re really done. They have been released once and for all. They don’t track you. They do not initiate contact. They are not at all interested in what is going on with you. They have moved on without ill will and with a complete and healthy closure. (However, this is rarely the case that I see. But, when you see complete indifference, you really are in trouble.)
That being said, anything other than this offers hope. Wives often say things to me like “my husband says he hates me” or “we can’t even stand being in the same room together” etc. I often reply that this is actually a positive sign and I’m sure wives think I’m crazy but this is the truth. If there was not a hint of emotion and interest left, then these very strong feelings (even if they appear to be negative) would not be revealing themselves. If her husband really has no affection or interest left, then he would not react at all. The fact that he’s reacting strongly gives it away.
Strong emotions (even negative ones) can be an indication that your husband wants you back: Your husband or ex may be making a complete jerk. It can be confrontational and insulting. He may be angry and may imply that you are not a good parent or that you are behaving in an undesirable way. Here is the question you have to ask yourself. Why do you care? Where does this concern come from? If he had really moved on, would he really be reacting this way? Even though his behavior is annoying and unexpected, ask yourself why he is coming out like this. Because if he didn’t care at all, you wouldn’t really know anything about him.
Are you trying to take the “worried” approach?: The other side of this same coin is the husband who takes the “caring” or “protective” approach. In this scenario, the husband will maintain that things are over, but he will feign guilt and stay vigilant, under the pretense that he wants to make sure that you and the children (if he has any) are okay. The pretense is that even if you’re not married or together, you can maintain a positive relationship because it’s healthier for everyone involved. Some husbands really mean this. But, some use this approach to “feel” the situation and see if by creating positive interactions, you can determine if the “spark” is still there.
Yet another angle on this same tactic is to try to stay in the loop through mutual friends. Or meet you because he knows your habits and where you will be. Once again, if he didn’t care at all, he wouldn’t leave his place here.
What to do if you see any of the signs that make you suspect that your husband wants you back: The worst thing you can do is call your husband about this or ask him for clarification. I see many women do this and it almost always goes wrong. The husband is scared because you are asking him to define something that probably confuses him and this generates negative emotions. If you want to get her husband back, her main goal should be to establish a series of positive interactions that build on themselves until she’s back on solid ground.
So if your husband is hanging around, trying to keep up with you, or keeps making excuses to meet you, do so and let him know that you appreciate his concern and agree that you want the relationship to be positive, no matter how things turn out. . outside. Take it one day at a time and focus on positive, joyful, and fun interactions.
If your husband is taking a negative approach, trust in the fact that he wouldn’t be doing these things if he didn’t care and not allow himself to respond negatively. Explain to him that whatever happens between you, he is too important to you to allow things to deteriorate this way, and tell him that you only intend to engage in positive behaviors. He may not believe it at first, but you will prove it to him with your actions, not your words. Again, your goal is to create positive interactions that build on themselves. Don’t try to define where this is going or push. Just take it day by day and focus on fun, low-pressure moments that you can build on.