Deep down, people with addictions know that what they are doing is wrong. They know that their behaviors, choices, and actions are hurting them and their loved ones. But the need to feed his addiction supersedes everything else in his life.
To perpetuate their addiction, they must deny that the substance, compulsion, or habit has anything to do with what is wrong around them. This is why they get very defensive when confronted with their behavior. There are a variety of defense mechanisms used by people with active addictions.
Denial
Denial is a defense mechanism in which a person is confronted with a fact that is too uncomfortable for them to accept, and instead rejects it, insisting that it is not true. The ability to deny that he or she has such a strong emotional attachment to the addiction of her choice is in large measure what enables an addict to continue the addiction despite overwhelming evidence. The more serious the problem, the more denial there is usually.
Repression
Repression is the conscious mechanism used by people with addictions to completely disconnect from the fact that they have a problem. They simply stop acknowledging the addiction to themselves and others.
minimizing
With minimization, people with addictions will recognize that something is wrong, but they won’t want to make a big deal out of it. When confronted with others, they rationalize that others are placing too much emphasis on the problem; which is not as bad as others make it out to be.
toxic shame
People with addictions use toxic shame to avoid taking responsibility for their problem. They see themselves as flawed and never measure up; as if his whole life had been a mistake. They believe they are victims of their past. Because they feel flawed, they look for something to make them feel better, but it’s a void they can never fill.
blame and shift the blame
Blaming is similar to toxic shame in that people with addictions avoid taking responsibility for the problem. They may accept part of the responsibility for their problem, but believe that others are more to blame. They may act as victims, blaming their addiction on the situation they are in or the people they are with. They don’t look at how they contribute to the problem. This gives them a sense of entitlement to use their substance as it is not their fault to do so.
Rationalization
Rationalization is used to explain the consequences of your addictive behavior or choices. They rationalize that whatever happened would have happened regardless of their addiction. For example: The factors leading up to the car accident would have caused it to happen whether he or she was intoxicated or not.
Deviation
When confronted about their addiction, addicts may use deviance to divert attention away from themselves. They do this by bringing up the other person’s shortcomings, similar activities the person may engage in, or behavior the person may have exhibited in the past. For example, alcoholics may remind people that they have no place to criticize their drinking because they drink too much.
normalizing
Wanting to feel normal, since they feel so ashamed of their behavior, they surround themselves with others who abuse the same substance and have the same level of addiction.
Grandiosity
Most people with addictions suffer from low self-esteem. Realizing and ashamed that they are ruining their lives, they use “grandiosity,” the unrealistic inflation of their sense of self, as a coping mechanism to hide their feelings of vulnerability and low self-esteem. They may have low self-esteem and still believe that they are better than other people.
compartmentalizing
By compartmentalizing their addiction, they can display the behaviors that are expected of them for periods of time. This tricks them and others into thinking they have control over their lives.
controller
Those with addictions try to control everything and everyone around them, believing that they will get what they want. When others don’t cooperate, they become even more controlling. It’s delusional; they believe that what they are doing is going to work even though it rarely does.
Ruin
People with addictions will engage in destructive behavior and then try to “undo” it by apologizing, offering gifts, or promising never to do it again. They do this to distract others from the real problem; due to the fact that they have an addiction.
If you recognize signs of an addictive personality in you, there are steps you can take to prevent it from getting out of hand.
- You must admit that there is a problem. Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Be honest and objective in your evaluation of it. Surround yourself with a good support system.
- Learn to face your feelings, whether they are good or bad. Don’t put them on the back burner, push them in, ignore them, or medicate them. Allow yourself to experience whatever emotions arise.
- Arm yourself with knowledge; investigate your problem so you don’t have to fear it.
- If you can stop the addictive behavior without medical intervention, start quitting. Cigarette smoking and overeating fall into this category. If you are addicted to a substance such as drugs or alcohol, seek professional help immediately. You can not stop using this clothing without medical supervision.
- Join a support group with people who share your particular addiction. It helps to know that you’re not the only one dealing with it. If you want to try attending a twelve-step meeting, find out where and when they meet in your area. There are 12-step support groups for every type of addiction imaginable. To find one look for “List of Twelve Step Programs.”
Be kind to yourself. Replace negative or destructive behaviors with positive ones. Set goals and reward yourself for reaching them. Find healthy ways to be happy whatever they are. Take a class on a hobby or something that interests you. Surround yourself with positive people; Eliminate toxic people from your life. Learn how to reduce stress in your life in ways that are beneficial to your overall well-being. Learn to meditate. Take long relaxing baths. Take a yoga class or learn to practice it on your own. Take walks. Go to the gym.
If you want to go in the right direction, all you have to do is keep walking forward.